The Dental Saga Continues...

I started worrying that I gave a very negative impression of my dental experience yesterday, so I thought I’d reassure my reader(s) that my teeth are fine, and my dentist is probably more legit than I first assumed. I went back today to pick up my night guard (more on that later!) and while I was there the dental man gave me an exam. And it was very similar to an exam my California dentist would give. Dentist dude threw out terms such as composite, bitewing, and occlusal, along with some random numbers for good measure. And I had x-rays taken. I did NOT think we would have time for x-rays given it was a 15-minute appointment, but I was wrong. At my American dentist x-rays are a longer process. After being seated in the exam room and asked some questions, I then have to walk down the long hallway to the x-ray room, where a heavy lead apron is thrown on me, making me slide off the chair. Then the x-ray has to be positioned and the hygienist has to leave the room, press the button, take the x-ray, come back, lather, rinse and repeat. Then I have to walk back dooooown the hall to the exam room. At dentist guy’s office the x-ray machine is IN the room. I didn’t have to move a muscle. Well, I did have to turn my head to the left, but I can handle that. So x-rays took all of about 90 seconds, and he even pretended to give the developed x-rays a look later, so I felt better. He did mention that I could see a hygienist for a cleaning, again something totally removed from a "normal" English checkup, and that once a year cleaning is ok, but he then mumbled that if I felt so inclined I could go every 6 months. Um, does Riley pig out on liver treats? Does Dave like vanilla Cornettos? Of course I prefer to have my teeth cleaned every 6 months. That’s what we do! (Oy, I sound like the bratty American girl we encountered in Shanghai 6 years ago*) On my way out I made an appointment for a cleaning, and come April 14^th, I will have visited this dental mecca 3 times in 4 weeks. 

So on to my night guard. Dig what I walked out with:

How awesome is that? I now have a plaster mold of my UPPER TEETH! Admit it, you’re jealous. I knew it! Can you imagine the possibilities? I have. I have sooo many ideas for how to use this golden mold. While I was folding laundry (you’re welcome, Dave) I was doing some serious thinking and even more clever uses came to me. But I’ll just list a few here:

       1. Halloween! Oh yeah. Not like we have gotten trick-or-treaters in the past, but hopefully this year we will. Imagine, some kid comes to the door expecting Smarties or a biscuit, only to put his pudgy hand into a bowl of candy to pull out…my teeth!

       2. I think I might make a few extra molds with some plaster of paris and then roll them in gravy and let Riley chew them. Then when we have people over I can casually ask, “what does Riley have in her mouth?” And our guest can go investigate and will see Riley chewing…my teeth!

       3. I also think it’ll be funny to just leave them sitting on Dave’s pillow. Or even better, I’ll put them under the sheets and then he’ll put his legs under the covers and his feet will hit…my teeth!

       4. On a serious note, imagine how handy they will be if I ever get accused of biting someone. I don’t bite. I may pull hair, but I won’t bite. The germs…ick. So if I get falsely accused I can run home, grab my teeth and prove the bite marks don’t match. Easy as pie.

       5. I may also get crafty with them and paint them pink and add some rhinestones or something. You know, make ‘em classy.

I don’t want to give away all my potential teeth tricks so I’ll just stop there. But I know you’re even more jealous than before. I don’t blame you.

* Contact me if you want to hear that story, it's pretty entertaining.