All I Want for Christmas...

Is a "Gentleman's Hamper" and a box of Christmas crackers that cost £500. [Beware - crappy pictures below thanks to RIM, but be assured that the crackers seen below cost £250 and £500 respectively]

I walked through Fortnum & Mason today checking out their Christmas offerings. I was tempted by all the Queen's Diamond Jubilee merchandise already out and available for purchase, but what really caught my eye were the outrageously priced Christmas crackers. I grew up with crackers, we have them every year at Christmas dinner (or is Christmas eve?) and we all sit around wearing the paper crowns and telling the dumb jokes that come inside. But trust me, our crackers do NOT cost £500 for a box of six. The crackers we open come with such items as a compass (there is always a compass. Always.), a harmonica, a nail clipper (seriously?) and maybe some game that requires you to untwist and separate two metal pretzels. I wonder what the HELL is inside the ones that cost £500.* Maybe a silver plated compass? A crystal encrusted nail clipper? A gold plated mini-bowling game? Do you think the family that buys those does anything else for Christmas? Maybe those crackers are the only gifts. The kids open them, and the parents say "OK, Christmas is over. Enjoy." And the kids sit there wondering what they are going to do with a gold sewing kit and silver pencil sharpener. And do you think rather than a little "pop" when they open, the £500 pound crackers set off a 15 minute fireworks show that includes the family name spelled out in sparklers? I am so curious...

I also enjoyed perusing the hamper section of the Christmas floor. Hampers are quite British to me, I don't think they are nearly as popular in the states. I love how varied they are - kids hampers, the aforementioned "Gentleman's" hamper, one for the culinary aficionado and even a "family" one. I find it funny that the family hamper comes with four bottles of alcohol. I guess that sends a message to the recipient about what it must be like to spend the holidays with their family. "Happy holidays to you and your family! Now drink!" I wonder if people get hamper after hamper all season, to the point where they start re-gifting the five bottles of mustard and nine jars of chutney they have sitting around. You take the good stuff - the extra wine and liquor - to the people you like, and the bad stuff - the icky Christmas puddings and weird terrines - to the people you don't like. A way to be passive aggressive throughout the holidays!

* I just looked at the Fortnum & Mason website, and sure enough the £1,000 crackers do come with silver plated items such as "sugar dredgers" and egg cups. The £500 crackers only come with leather goods. Well obviously I must buy the £1,000 crackers now.