I Am Going to Start Sleeping with One Eye Open

I decided to give Riley a haircut. Yes, I have become a dog groomer. I am going to get a sign and come up with a catchy name and start charging the dogs in the 'hood.

I decided that I should be the one to do her 'do (is that a good name? "Do her 'do") because she gets so darn nervous every time we go to the groomer. No joke, one time we walked NEAR the groomer and she started shaking. She would not get any closer, she just stood on the sidewalk, shaking. Like the nervous, nervous dog that she is. So rather than force her to go to the groomer where they apparently probe her and conduct frightening experiments, I thought it best that I be the one to tame her locks. So I ordered myself some snazzy scissors, then once they arrived I changed into clothes that ended up attracting each and every piece of fur I cut, and went to work. Two hours and two blisters later, voila! A new doggie! And just to be clear, those blisters were on my fingers, so don't go thinking I hurt my dog. Well, maybe I did mentally, but not physically.

Now lest you think it was easy, you should be aware that she whined and wiggled the entire time I was cutting her leg fur. Having me cut her hair was apparently no less traumatizing than having some stranger do it. After spending over an hour chopping the fur off four furry legs she finally realized she had no other options but to submit. And one looong hour later, she was done. But she wasn't happy about the whole thing. She hates being groomed - getting brushed, a haircut, her teeth cleaned - it's all utter agony to her, even though she is so vain. In fact, look at what she did after - she attacked my shoe. I worry that's what she wants to do to my head one night while I sleep. Do you see the terror and anger in her eyes?

Today I ordered a tooth cleaning gel for her so I am really worried about my safety once I start brushing her teeth.

Here are some before and after shots of my work. What do you think? Should I abandon my "law" career and become a groomer? I think much of what I learned in law school may apply.

 Before the torture commenced. Fluffy doggie.

After leg #1, the rear leg. She's so bashful, she refused to show off my work.

She got a treat after all her "hard" work (after one leg).

 

After all four legs were done. She's looking a little less enthusiastic.

 

At the end. Look at her. The hatred, the anger, just emanating from her.

But she sure does look pretty!

My blisters. 

And finally, the aftermath.

Our bedroom floor. I am not kidding, the fur got everywhere. My previously blue pants are now a nice wheat color. 

It looks like she's posing with another dog! A flat dog, but a furry one. I thought about using the fur for something, like a pillow, or maybe knitting a sweater, but I decided against it. 

And just to make her even happier, I stuck a bow on her, and called it a day!